DISCONNECTED MEMORIES 2/28/07

My memory has been tested and rated as rather superior in spite of my t.b.i. "Superior even to people without brain injuries," the nice neuropsych doc told me. "At the 99th percentile superior."

The test showed that I could recite 9 and almost 10 numbers forwards and backwards-- meaning I suppose that I remain wonderfully equipped to remember phone numbers. I was never told if that translates somehow into a magical ability to remember who called me this morning.

Remembering what I had for breakfast this morning is easy because I eat the same thing for breakfast every morning. Yet, some of my memories fall into the category of, "I remember that I remembered doing this. I no longer have the actual memory itself. But I do have the memory of remembering."

There are whole sections of my life that have been wiped. I have found those memories gradually seeping back in, like a steady leak of water. Drops of water that hit me at random intervals instead of the pot placed on the floor for that purpose. Those I record in one of the other blogs for posterity or hilarity.

I was with a good friend today who asked me if I remember her doing such-and-such. "Oh, you are the one who did that?" I replied. I sorted through and attached that particular disconnected memory to my friend. I remembered details of having been told about the such-and-such, but not who had done them. I filed her name away. Now there is a storage part of Briella* that contains the following: It was this here good friend who did the such-and-such that I remember having been told about. Another link in the mess of necklaces partially restored. Still no memory of the friend telling me about it. But a name to go with one of the such-and-suches floating around in the cerebral atmosphere.

Interior fragmented landscape not withstanding, I am not complaining. Briella* is rather cheeky and as I reach up mentally to give her a hug, she slaps my hand away and says in stern reproach: I don't like being fondled by strangers.

"Briella* it's me," I attempt to reassure her. She walks away muttering under her breath words that I dare not write for English class or in any blog.

sapphoq healing tbi

*Briella is my post-t.b.i. brain-- brilliant, just a bit sideways.

HEAD INJURY STUDY CALLED INTO QUESTION 2/24/07

The practice of using Mannitol in high doses rather than in conventional doses for patients with brain injuries may not be based on studies after all. The leading doctor of the study, a neurologist by the name of Dr. Julian Cruz of Brazil, died in 2005. His claimed affiliation with the institution where the study was supposed to have occurred is in serious doubt. The institution-- the Federal University of Sao Paulo-- has stated that it doesn't know who he is and in fact never hired him. The remaining authors of the study refused to offer a retraction.

Three trials were supposedly conducted between 2001 and 2004. The results were published in peer-reviewed literature. The results purported that fatalities and long-term disabilities were lowered at six months post-injury in the group of patients which received the higher dose of mannitol.

The Cochrane Collaboration was unable to verify that the study had even occurred or where the patients had been gotten from. The death of Dr. Cruz and his lack of genuine affiliation with the institution listed on the study leaves the Cochrane Collaboration with no recourse. Thus, a serious quandary exists when making critical dosing decisions regarding mannitol when the drug is otherwise indicated in the treatment of t.b.i.

sapphoq healing tbi



http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/552607
and British Medical Journal February 24, 2007;334:392-394.

surprise- I AM WHAT I AM 2/22/07

Here is this week's blinkie. Some folks think of Popeye the Sailor Man when they hear or read this phrase. I think of La Cage aux Folles.

In life, not everyone wishes us well. If we are really honest within our selves, we don't wish everyone else well either. We do not have to love everyone today. Nathaniel Branden calls that "spiritual promiscuity" and I quite agree with him.

If your self-esteem has been bruised and battered, you might benefit from some of the books written by him. You may not agree with everything he says. [Trauma survivors in particular may disagree with some of his material]. You may not have the same politics or spiritual outlook. [He is a libertarian and an atheist]. You may not be of the same social class or sexual orientation [He is rich and definitely a total heterosexual].

I found Nathaniel Branden's work pre-t.b.i. And because I engage in practicing the six pillars of self-esteem, when really bad crap happens I don't give up.

Here's to hoping that none of us give up-- ever!

sapphoq healing tbi