If It's Worth Having, Then It's Worth Working For

     Out of all of the professionals and specialists that I've dealt with in respect to my traumatic brain injury, there was a grand total of one-- and only one-- who told me that I was capable of learning how to control my impulses and harness my dis-inhibitions. Let me explain further:

     Go to any brain injury unit and you are likely to find patients who curse fluently. I'm not claiming pre-injury innocence. What I'm saying is that cursing originates from the more primitive, reptilian part of the brain located deeper in than language is. Hurt a brain, you will probably hurt communication but the cursing may remain more fluent than language skills for a time.

     I was talking with a friend who is eighteen months away from his stroke. He told me that he was having trouble with just blurting things out. He was astonished when I said that he could learn to govern that. Blurting things out and cursing both have a similar emotional component to them, to my way of thinking. 

     I also had experienced those sorts of demands from my fractured brain. I learned that when I was feeling a pressure to "Say it, just say it!" that was when I almost certainly should not "Just say it." And the cursing thing? I found out that it was easier for me to strive not to curse at all than it was for me to give myself permission to curse at some times and not at others. Learning not to insert the f-bomb into every other sentence and learning not to blurt things out were two things that helped me feel some semblance of control during a time when the world was still wobbly and rotating slowly to my left.

     Was it difficult and challenging to develop some self-discipline? Yup. But I worked on it and I continue to work on that because I have found the results to be rewarding. Not feeling driven to tell my very proper mother-in-law filthy jokes over dinner in a restaurant made the meal go better. I was happier being able to blend in a bit. And m.i.l. certainly was happier too.

     Do I curse now? Yup. A lot less than post-injury and less than my pre-injury days too.

     Self-discipline is something that I found to be worth working for. I tell myself daily, "Get up, clean up, walk the dog, go to the gym. Your brain damage is not an acceptable excuse for your laziness." And so I get up, clean up, walk the dog, and go to the gym. I still have to rest during the day however I am getting stuff done now. And that feels good to me.

     There are bunches of stuff that is no longer automatic for me. I have to think through some tasks before I am able to do them. I have to concentrate on where my feet are going as I walk so I don't fall. I have to have things put away in the same places today so that I can find them again tomorrow. Supplies for cleaning the floors go on one shelf on the back porch. The laundry bag lives next to the washing machine. The stationary, bills, check book, stamps, and pens are kept in the desk. I still struggle with organizing today but not as much as I used to. I can get more done because I am not stumbling around the house in a blind rage unable to find the vacuum cleaner bags.

 sapphoq healing t.b.i. says:

If It's Worth Having, Then It's Worth Working For.

If It's Worth Having, Then It's Worth Working For.

If It's Worth Having, Then It's Worth Working For.