Sometimes

Sometimes I feel that I hate you.  You have interrupted my career, cost me my livelihood, made for numerous fights about money and the lack thereof now that I can no longer work full-time.  I am tired.


I am tired of being tired, tired of having to explain why it is that I do not understand this or can no longer do that safely.  I am tired of the betrayal.  You robbed me.  Damn you.


I am no saint.  There is never a time when I feel that I love you.  But there are times when I know that I notice the little things more-- the touch of a lover, the song of a bird, flowers blooming, weather shifts, the moon.  I am alive and that sure beats the alternative.


Sometimes I tell myself and others that my brain's name is now Briella-- still brilliant but a bit twisted and sideways.


Sometimes I mourn the old, sometimes I celebrate the new, sometimes I can just be.

sapphoq healing tbi