ORGANIZATION FOR A TBI PERSON by Arlene Norman

ORGANIZATION FOR A TBI PERSON By Arlene Norman
published in S. Africa BIA newsletter


These are the compensations my husband, Frank, and I put together working with our marriage counselor, Rosemary Walsh. Rosemary is a social worker who has worked with T.B.I. people professionally. She knows and understands the problems faced by the T.B.I. person and family they live with. Her suggestions are practical, real-life oriented and meant to lower the tension and conflict level in the home.



1. Every piece of furniture or cabinets that holds anything has a label on the outside [or right inside the drawer on the left side or inside door on good stuff that Frank doesn’t want permanently marked.] I know where everything goes this way and don’t lose things. Finding stuff is a lot easier.


2. We moved to Maine and remembering where everything goes in the new kitchen was hard for both of us. I insist that everything be returned to the same place so I can find it easily. In addition to the labels on the inside door of all the cabinets, we have made and posted a map of where everything is kept in the kitchen on the refrigerator door so we have a double help. Strange, but it is my normal husband who has more trouble following the system than I do.


3. There is also a sign on the stove saying “Please remember to turn me off”.


4. Every time I go grocery shopping I make a list of the veggies and fruit I bought. A magnet holds the list on the refrigerator door so it gets used and not lost in the back. It also tells my husband and son, Julian, what’s around to eat. Other stuff in the fridge I want eaten also goes on the list. Less stuff gets thrown out and Frank is not freaked by rotting stuff in the refrigerator.


5. My desk now consists of 2 sets of file cabinets with a long butcher block across the top. The file drawers are labeled A,B,C and D. In my word processing Arlene computer files I have listed drawers A,B,C,D and there is a list of what goes into each drawer and the order it is in the drawer. If I think it needs more than a descriptive file name I add under the file name what’s in the file. This system helps me find stuff and not lose or misplace things. As long as I keep filing the papers on my desk and adding new items to the computer list I stay organized.


6. My computer monitor sits on a small wood stand about 5 inches high that Frank made for me. It raises the monitor to eye level and makes it much easier to read and there is less eye fatigue. The monitor sits on the left side of my desk so I just have to turn a little to see it and the file drawers are right underneath so I can get to things quickly.


7. I have a timer I bought from the Cooks Club that is digital and makes no noise and has a loud bell-like ring that you can really hear. I set it for 40 minutes [now – in the beginning it was 20 minutes] when I am working at my desk so I get up and do something else before I overtire or go into neuro-fatigue or my head is suddenly stuffed with cotton candy. The timer has a little stand on it and a magnet if I want to put it on something metal. I use it for almost all activities that require thought or concentration. When I use it regularly it takes away the need to nap in the afternoon. I don’t get as tired by the day and that roles over to weekends so we can stay out all day. I can now make it through the day without getting sleepy or cranky.


8. All appliances or new things get the instruction manual put underneath them or in my instruction manuals file. Using the manuals I slowly do learn how to use things and can go back when I forget. I also put directions on things on stickers.


9. I also ask Frank to teach me sometimes and he knows he has to explain something to me slowly, go over it exactly the same way with the same words several times and then have me repeat it back to him and he corrects any mistakes. Then I repeat the whole thing with the corrections back to him and he makes sure I have it right or we start from scratch and do it again and he changes the parts I can’t understand or get right to make it simpler. This makes learning something much easier for me, takes away a lot of the frustration and is a patient, gentle way for him to teach me without either of us getting mad at the other. When I tell him my mind or I am too tired to learn or remember anything he knows he has to back off until the next day.


10. There is an Agreement book that Frank and I use to write down what we agree and decide on. We both sign every agreement and date it. We[particularly I] check it regularly as a reminder and to verify information. This has settled so many issues that could have turned into disagreements or would definitely have turned into a disagreement before we started The Agreement book. This replaces my lost short-term memory and my difficulty to move anything from short-term memory into long-term memory.


11. We have agreed not to spend more than $50 on anything without each other’s agreement. When we disagree we talk and explain his [or my] thoughts,logic and needs to each other until we reach a consensus. We try hard not to argue or get mad but to use this system and it is working beautifully. The tension level between us is so low you wouldn’t believe it.


12. In my handbag or pocket I always carry a small, top spiral notebook. I put in everything from conversations I want to remember. I go back and check the notebooks regularly. I even pull the notebook out and start writing if the conversation is going too quickly for me so it slows it down and I get it right and can verify the information on the spot. These little notebooks serve as memory messengers for me.


13. I make a list of what I have to do each day on post-its and put it on the small notebook cover. I take out the notebook or find it on my desk often so it is a constant reminder of what I have to do.


14. Monday mornings Frank and I meet first thing and we make a list of what I hope [and/or what he wants me] to accomplish that week and post it someplace obvious like on my desk lamp. I don’t always do everything but it keeps me focused. I finally learned not to be discouraged if I can’t get to it all and not to make the list so long that it is overwhelming. Things that I can’t do I either ask Frank to help me with or let it roll over to the next week. If he sees something showing up repeatedly for a few weeks he knows I need help with it and brings it up non-confrontationally to find out how I want him to help me.


15. I keep several journals.

I keep a “happy times” journal where I write down things that have made me happy while I still remember the details. Going back and re-reading this journal reminds that good things do happen and I have a lot to be happy about. On bad days reading the journal can snap me out of feeling depressed and sorry for myself.

I keep a health journal and write down health instructions, medication doses and health problems to share with my doctors. I often do not like the way my doctors treat me now. As soon as they know I have a brain injury, they almost ignore me or ask my husband what he wants done or thinks. I have felt able to put a strong stop to this. I am still me and I make my health care decisions and let the health care professionals know that.

I keep a “want to do” journal where I either write down or staple magazine or newspaper items of things I want to remember to do. By looking through this journal I always find new activities I want to do or places to go and see. Since moving to Maine, there are many new places to see and explore. I don’t want to miss any of them.



This whole system gives me a lot more autonomy and takes away a lot of the feelings of being lost or swamped. Now I don’t feel Frank breathes down my neck constantly or is on my case all the time like I used to. He also trusts me more, knowing I will take responsibility and do certain things and on time at that.I have never in my life been this organized but it has lowered the tension level of just living and helps me get through each day more calmly with less frantic pressure.

After the civil lawsuit from the accident was settled I finally felt a sense of closure. The ordeal was over. Also, I at that point was slowly able to accept that this is me and the way I will be for the rest of my life with some improvements happening. I also accepted that if I am to have a happy,fulfilling life it is up to me and I must control my attitude and not dwell on the losses or the past. I also decided to keep trying – so I try every therapy, vitamin or supplement I hear about and anything someone I meet tells me has helped them. I believe in trying to make my life as good as I can. A brain injury is a bump in the road; it is not the end of the road.I am certainly not perfect [but then again I never was] and there are still things I want to do I can’t do YET but eventually I’ll get there. I realized the time came to stop banging my head against a wall [metaphorically speaking, of course] and to accept the way I am and to try and let myself be happy with what I have, can do and will learn or be able to teach myself.


reprinted with written permission from the author Arlene Norman.


Blessed be! ~sapphoq