Regrets

Yes, I have regrets.  Not so much mental masturbation anymore because I've been at this for almost a decade now.  

If only the accident hadn't happened.
If only I had accepted that weekend position.
If only I'd never gone back there to work.
If only I had more gumption.
If only the fatigue and the brain fog wasn't killing me.
If only the professional vocational rehabbers had actually done something more than talk.
If only my perception problems weren't.
If only.  If only.  If only.

If only I had been someone else.


But I am not someone else.  I have my life, not someone else's life.  I am the possessor of my life.


To be honest, all of my problems did not begin with my car accident.  I've let plenty of opportunities go by.  I've done some rotten stuff.  I've hurt people.  I did not give it my best shot.  I was lazy.  I wanted to look better than I was.

I was a human being.  I still am.   


I can't fix the past.  I have a chance to change my future.  What am I going to decide to do?

sapphoq healing t.b.i.