When I first came down with my traumatic brain injury, I became very self-focused out of necessity. Nothing was automatic anymore. I had to think constantly about what I was doing-- everyday things that we take for granted required excessive thinking. And so I navigated my way through a world that had suddenly transformed itself into an alien landscape. The familiar became strange. I didn't recognize my own self.
My taste in music changed. Later, when I was able to tolerate reading, I found that I no longer enjoyed the same kinds of books. New interests took over. I found that I could not assemble the old pieces of my old life. I had to reconstruct myself. And no one could do that for me.
It came to me that I had to force myself to think, even when not thinking would have been easier. I had to force myself to think about my future and what I wanted. I had to force myself to think about how to advocate for what I needed medically. In re-learning the patterns of living, I turned to the internet. I stumbled into a t.b.i. chatroom. In that chatroom, we spent many serious hours attempting to name the seven dwarves. I learned how to read t.b.i-typese. [None of us could spell worth a damn.] And with my new internet buddies, I learned how to laugh again.
The folks in the chatroom told me that I would have to be in charge of my own rehabilitation. I was getting vision therapy and physical therapy but no cognitive rehabilitation. Following the advice I was given in chat, I sought out various brain games on the internet. I became obsessed with Snood. And at a store, I found a large-screen hand-held Tetris. I also crocheted cotton washcloths and went to the gym as soon as I was able to. When I did get kicked out of cognitive art rehabilitation therapy months later, I continued the things I had been doing already. I discovered blogging and computer art. Now I am slowly learning how to animate. I have to think that through since I am unable to follow the directions as of yet.
Once or twice throughout my life, I have been accused of "thinking too much" as if that were a bad thing. Forcing myself to think has served me well in my own healing journey. Some days I sit and think about thinking. Like the sign says: Thinking really does tickle the brain cells.
sapphoq healing tbi
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